second best….at best

It’s amazing that parents expect something great fom their child that they themselves treat as second rate or second best to another child. Way to make your child feel like they are worth something, yep, way to go. At some point I guess the child has to stop getting so hurt over and over by this….but how? I wonder if it IS easier to just cut the parent out of your life? I mean when we as people get hurt by a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend you cut them out, so why not a parent? It sounds harsh, right?

 

My Own “24″

It all started out so peaceful. I woke up on Sunday morning actually quite late, but who cares it’s Sunday. I decided to get an early start on my heavy homework/midterm preparations. I started out by watching NORTH BY NORTHWEST for my film class. It took longer than the 2 hours to get through it because I kept pausing to take notes and/or put laundry in the dryer (I needed to do laundry desperately, I never let it build up but school has been getting busier). I finally got through the movie, which was actually quite good (the ending was pretty abrupt, but hey I was ready for it to end so I could start on my response). I logged into my film class and began to write my responses to the Professor’s different questions regarding the film and the chapters from our text book. It probably took a total of 4-5 hours (that is including watching the film). I was so happy. I felt like this was a great head start on my week. Not only do I like to be a little ahead, but I also had a tentative plan to take Tuesday off to help a friend shop for her new business. So, my head start wasnt completely about just getting a jumpstart on the week for my other studies. It was really about hoping to have a day off to help my friend.

   I woke up on Monday ready to take down the rest of Algebra, which was an entire Chapter. I usually will do a Chapter all in one day. It makes it easier to comprehend, but it also helps my sanity. I do not want to spend any more time than I have to on that damn subject! I do not want to spread it out if I dont have to. I digress…I had my coffee brewed and took my first sip as I sat down at my computer. I checked email and twittered a bit (thats my morning ritual). I had 1 cup of coffee done by the time I started on Chapter 4 in my algebra online book. I was on a roll. I poured more coffee. I was feeling good. Then about 4 hours later I began to get psycho. I began pulsate through the cortex of my brain. I thought, ok I need to take a break and eat. I had a little sandwich and right back to work. I started to get interrupted by too many phones ringing. My boyfriend came to my back door and banged on it like he was the damn police. I jumped. My heart was pounding. I didnt know who it was until I heard his voice talking to my doggie through the door. I ran to the door and swung it opened. I dont remember exactly what I yelled, but I yelled, loudly. He scared me, and I was already feeling nutty.

   He left and I went back to work. I was feeling so bad for yelling at the poor sweet guy. I tried to call him to apologize and he tried to call me but we had awful service. There was so much static; very reminiscent of my day thus far. I tried to get back on focus. At some point in there I had text my friend to let her know I was on a roll and would most likely be accompanying her on Tuesday for a day of shopping in LA (for her biz, puhlease I dont have $ to shop). She called back, we chatted, she told me to be nice to the sweet b/f, and we got off the phone. I went back to work, but not before finally getting ahold of the b/f. We had a lovely chat and all was better:)

   I was now entering hour 8 and started to feel as if I hadnt solved an equation correctly for the last 2 hours. Then it’s hour 9…10 and I have resigned to the fact that I was not going to finish chapter 4 in my 1 day (lofty) goal. I was a wreck. Too much coffee. Barely enough food. I felt myself becoming MAD, as in CRAZY. Yes, I do not like when they call something adding fractions, but you still have to incorporate multiplication. That is not adding! I felt so crazy I had to take a little video of myself.  This is actually when I started to think that I may be on to something. I should document my entire college career, on video. If for nothing else, it will be a HOOT to watch in 10 years. I then sent out an email to my friend letting her know I am not able to go with her tomorrow, I think I may have cursed algebra a few times and who knows what else I was loopy (I need to go back and read it LOL). I finally shut it down at about 11pm. I watched Chelsea Lately and fell asleep on my couch. I woke up at 2:30 am not knowing where I was. I thought I missed my midterm. Realizing I was half asleep and in a panic I dragged myself to my warm bed.

 

   I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. I was ready to finish this algebra. I made coffee and sat down for my morning ritual of emails and twitter(I get my news from twitter crazy huh, hey its up to the minute people). I was so excited to start the rest of Chapter 4. I just KNEW i was going tot be done by 4 or 5! I was even thinking “oh maybe I can go to my friends house and help her price her stuff.” Why did I think I would be done any faster than yesterday I have no idea. I’m telling you, it’s the MATH it drives you MAD. I honestly have not felt like myself. Now some of you may be thinking i am ridiculous, but think about when you have computer problems and you try and fix it  yourself. Now imagine doing that for hours and hours and you are not allowed to stop, you have to finish! Yeah, not so ridiculous now huh? Also, I am an artist, I am a creative person, I am able to understand words. I can comprehend language, grammar etc. I have actually come up with a theory. I think people who like algebra are WEIRDO”S! Plus, I bet if you did some research you would find that serial killers love math! Yes, that is out there, but I’m telling you the human brain isnt meant to work in these terms. It is not NORMAL. I am not usually considered normal, bit compared to this math algebra crap I am totally normal.

    Into my 7th or 8th hour today my b/f walked in and said “you look crazy, you NEED to take a break.” He was so kind when he said it, but I knew he was absolutely right. I still kept saying “no no I have to finish” “I will eat when Im done.” Finally I caught myself, and I realized how crazy that sounded! I was acting like a person that was addicted to math like I seriously did not want to stop. Well, I am not addicted, but i just wanted to get it done. I became addicted to the thought of doing that very last problem.

     I took the break. I got in the shower. I got dressed. I went to Starbucks to get a yummy coffee (but strong) and a sandwich. I returned a phone call and came back home. I ate half the sandwich and returned to my work. I started to see the light. I was going to finish tonight. I pulled out my camera to capture more video. This was the finale of my first “all nighter” in college. This was my first “tough” time before a test, midterm etc. This is the beginning of it all. This was a milestone. I know even more now why that degree is such a huge deal. This is a committment and when it’s all said and done you must feel like you can truly do anything. My hats (yeah I have more than 1 hat) go off to any and all college graduates, you are amazing. I cant wait for that day. I cant wait to be able to contribute to the world. To give of myself in such an impactful way. In ways i could never have dreamed about. Until then i will take on the challenge, happily. I will kick algebra’s “ASK” (yeah yeah I know its ass BUT watch the lil girl monster video).

 

Izzy is right…

Last night I watched (like everyone else in the country) the season premiere of Greys Anatomy. Last season and maybe even the season before I started to lose interest in the show. I felt like they had done soooo much with the characters in the first season or two that they were really reachin’ especially last season; however, last night was a really good season opener. I am actually excited to see the next few episodes….and I must say, “Izzy” is the best, she has always been my favorite character on the show, and Oh’s “Christine” being next.  The writers are great, obviously, but for some reason I always have this “ah-ha” moment when Izzy speaks. Silly right?

Last night Izzy does it again….She ends up telling this woman that the woman has an obligation to live, to really live her life, she has an obligation to George because if George were still alive he would be living, he would be saving people’s lives, so you have to live. The girl tries to say she cant she doesnt know how. Well Izzy tells her you have to, and if you cant for yourself than do it out of respect for George, the person that saved your life……I’m totally paraphrasing here, but you get the idea even if you dont watch the show.

In my opinion this was one of the best scenes in the entire program last night. It was raw, real and just the plain ol’ truth.

So even if you arent living in some melodrama, or havent had anyone save your life today… I think we all have to live life  really live, out of respect for ourselves, for our parents, and everyone in this world that doesnt have the chance anymore. We owe it to everyone who isnt here anymore.

So stop living as if you are paralyzed or even dead when you are not, stop living as if you dont have a brain, a heart, or a soul. All of us who have our health and who are alive have an obligation to live. So just do something, anything, just try.

In my 20’s I was mostly stagnant. All I did was work and play a little. I didnt “live” much really. I attempted to go to school a couple different times, but it didnt last. In my 30’s I began to really live. I made personal changes, started my acting career, made a film, made more personal changes, started surrounding myself with better people, seeing more in life and getting more out of life, started school full time, and funny enough these 30’s have been some of the most challenging times of my life, but I have learned from all my living, and that I would never change. Now I’m 38, and I can see that my 40’s are going to be incredible because each year I live more and more. It’s not all easy and smooth, but it’s living a full life. I am not going to have any regrets, maybe some things I would never do again, but no regrets:) So, with that living comes some rough crap, heartaches,disappointments etc. but you will also experience some of the most amazing things in life and things that you could never fathom, it’s a beautiful thing.. If you are to stay in your little comfort zone you will never truly experience life, and you will miss out greatly.

 

The Lovely Reeve Family

This is a post from Dr. Laura’s website. It is wonderful, like many of her posts. Yes, I love Dr. Laura. She gives great moral advice. Even if I dont agree all the time, you cant argue with someone who is just trying to help others “do The right thing.” Yes, she can be harsh at times but jeez we need that sometimes,” it takes a little bit of everything and everyone to make for an interesting world. So here is the lovely post…

Christopher Reeve’s Son’s Poignant Comments

September 3, 2009 on 12:00 am | In Character, Christopher Reeve, Matthew Reeve  Email This Post

I remember the day well:  the day Superman was hit with kryptonite.  I was setting up an appointment to learn how to ride a horse, when the news bulletin came out that Christopher Reeve fell off his horse while jumping, and would either die or be permanently paralyzed from the neck down.

I could hardly breathe hearing this news.  Here was a gorgeous, tall, strong man – Superman, no less – who had ridden horses forever, and a freak accident took his body away.  Two years after he died, his adoring, supportive wonderful wife died of lung cancer, and she never smoked a cigarette in her life.

I cancelled my horse-riding lesson and upped the schedule for walking my dog.

What was impressive about all of this?

1. Reeve’s friends were always there for him (in private and public).  This included helping raise funds for spinal cord injury research, as well as getting him acting and directing work to help him pay for his own maintenance and living expenses. 
2. Reeve himself never stopped working and bringing the spinal cord injury issue to the public.  Here was a once strapping man who didn’t flinch to show his withered side in public, because he had a “cause.”
3. His lovely wife stood by him (something I brought up many times to women who called my radio program complaining about this or that about their husbands).

And my heart went out to his kids.  One of them, Matthew Reeve, is now 20, a Brown University graduate who has organized various events and appearances for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation, which supports programs and research for spinal cord injury.  This fall, honoring the five year anniversary of his father’s death, Matthew is running the New York City Marathon in hopes of raising more money for spinal cord injury research.  The New York Times interviewed him, and one of his comments is particular important for you to read:

 ”I’m constantly grateful and appreciative of being able to do the simplest,  most basic functions, and the fact that I have good health and can move  normally.  That’s something I’ve been more aware of and grateful for since  the age of 15 than most people.  There is a sense of, well, I can and I  should.”

I was so taken by his comment:  “I can and I should.”  When you can, you owe something back.  So for all of you out there, think about what it is you can, and therefore should do.  Think hard…and then do it.

End Of Dr. Laura Post…

 

A little observation I found interesting. I looked up Lung Cancer in my Louise Hay book “You Can Heal Your Life” and it said this…Depression, Grief. Fear of taking life in. Not feeling worthy of living life fully. JEEZ right?! makes sense, I mean I dont know Dana but I would think she felt these things and obviously much more, while Christopher was alive and even after he was gone. Gosh what a beautiful woman of strength and love.

 

Another one…

The other day I blogged about what happens to me when I usually decide to write a blog; better yet, the reason why I decide to write…well it happened again today.

Unfortunately, in the last few days I have had to write a couple of emails that I generally would not ever write. I wont get into details because they are personal and do not want to share such things.

Today, again on twitter I saw a quote that represented almost to a T what I went through in the last few days with a few people.

“Unjust criticism is just a disguised compliment. It means that you have aroused jealous and envy. Because no one would kick you when your down.”

I found this so fitting for this week especially after one email in particular that i received where someone had the nerve to speak negatively about something/someone in my life. This person had absolutely no idea what they were talking about at all, like zero! This was complete “unjust criticism.” This persons envy is so horrible that it drove them to say some awful things, based on their irrational thoughts and feelings.

We all get irrational at times, please, I can be the queen of that. However, I keep that shit to myself, hello! It in no way runs my life, maybe when I was like 22 or something and it definitely is not going to make me say horrible things to someone, especially someone I consider a friend. I may discuss my irrational thoughts or feelings with a friend, to vent, get it out and thats a huge maybe. Basically, if Im sayin’ something horrible it is going to be based on facts, something someone did or said to me and even then I will most likely work it out in my own way, thoughts , writing, talking with a trusted friend or my sister or mom.

We have all said things in life that we regret later. It is an awful feeling because you can never ever take those words back. You can never erase the way you made someone feel. We have all done it. But where do you draw the line when someone continually does it? There has to be a time where you say enough is enough. Its like staying with an abusive boyfriend. So if you feel like a person is being malicious in hurting you, that’s when it’s time to walk away.

Someone may hurt you that really doesnt want to hurt you. They may be going through a hurt that is so bad it makes them become “ugly” towards others. If this is the case, I think its each individuals choice when they have to walk away from that person. Its like you gotta say what Samantha said to her b/f in “Sex and The City” Movie. “I do love you but I love me more.” There comes a time in all of our lives where we have to be the one that loves our self the most, that treats our self the best, that cherishes oneself and so on and so on.

I try to spread love and kindness. It’s what feels good for me. I dont feel good after being mean to someone, I dont feel good after tellin someone off, I dont feel good ignoring people, I dont feel good being rude to people…..have I done these things, of course. I try to to be kind even when I dont want to, LOL but seriously this week people got to me. What sucks about it is its people that I cared about and thought they cared about me, well of course right, thats when we get angry, its usually b/c we care. Even though 1 person wasnt a long time friend or anything it was someone who I thought differently about, didnt know they would go where they went. that always sucks.

FYI…dont ever talk shit about my man or my Family. straight up, no questions asked, period. you will be done. no mas. oh and my girlfriends, yeah I once broke up with a guy for talking shit about my friend. That gives you an idea how I am. I wouldnt break up with the one I have today, LOL but uh you get my drift. If you have a complaint about friends, I will listen, Im flexible, if its constructive. If you wanna complain about my man or my family, there is no room for that dont even try it. The ones close to me never would, they no how much I love Ray and my fam. they also know he is a keeper and so is my family:) I dont have a lot of people in my life outside of family, I literally can count on 2 hands who my friends are. Thats it. Im ok with that. If I add to that its a beautiful thing b/c at this point in my life anyone getting added is going to be a great person. I dont hang with with anything but great ha:) I go by people’s hearts, their intentions, thats how you can tell a great person. They may have faults, issues, even be a lil nutty but if their hearts intentions are all good that is all that matters, seriously.

Im not looking for anything in my friendships other than trust, giggles, dinner, girl time here and there, phone time here and there etc. there is no pressure, no crazy high expectations, just be kind, seriously, thats it. You dont have to come clean my house or watch my dog when im away, you dont have to bring me anything when Im sick, nothing, seriously. Just be kind, respect my life and what I do and be willing to talk on the phone about stupid shit and also have some good spiritual deep talks as well, you know I love that. Even if you arent into the deep stuff, Im ok, I have people in my life that are.

Ok now I must go to sleep…hmmmm will be intersting to see if my headache goes away after purging all these thoughts….

 

What’s New?

I received a phone call from a friend saying, “well you hadnt blogged in awhile so I had to call to get an update” LOL. I dont always blog about things going on in my life but since I do blog under my name and not some clever pen name I suppose I will give a little update.

I started school on the 17th. Most of my classes are online, I only go to campus one day a week. I was very ignorant to think online classes would be easier, ha! It is a lot of work, time management and dedication. I have gotten through some rough days. I pushed through and came out feeling great. I had moments of not “getting it” and instead of giving up while textbooks flew across the room, I took a breath and kept going. Pushing through I had the gift of more than one “ah-ha” moment.

I also didnt realize it was such a big deal to be a full time student. I keep getting this response, “what, you went from no school to full time?!!” Well, yes I did and please dont scare me like that! All in all I am enjoying it. I wish I would have finished school um uh yeah, way back then but I am also glad I get to do it at an age where I know I will learn more. I have a greater appreciation for school now than I did when I was 20 something.

Basically I am putting in about 35-40 hours a week for school, that includes class, studying and homework. I do not know how people work and go to school! Jeez, this IS my job, I am a student.

I have also learned we are very lucky in California, college is pretty inexpensive compared to other states. So unless at some point I want to transfer to some Ivy league school back East I think I will be ok financially after its all said and done:)

I’m also going to group therapy sessions at least every other week. It’s good on many levels but obviously beacause I want to be a therapist one da. I love the way this Doctor practices, all her theories etc. are right on when it comes to communication and relationships.

On the acting front. Hmmmm been a bit slow. My choice though so it’s not a bad thing. Just enjoying the boyfriend, cherishing the moments with him. Enjoying family and of course school now. Acting will always be a part of my life but I have also realized I have passion for other things as well. I want to try to fit everything into this precious thing called life. I cant wait until Ray and I start traveling! That is my next big thing I want to do in life, I want to visit so many places. Next summer we are going somewhere for sure, maybe we will do New York together since he’s never been, then go to Paris from there:) Ah that would be fabulous.

I love my life and where it’s going. Its an exciting journey. Getting older can be a beautiful thing. There is a calm about it. You just feel less inclined to do certain things or be a certain way. You have more trust in yourself. You know what makes you happy, what brings joy to your everyday life. You dont worry about what others say, you dont worry about “their story” for your life. You dont get defensive. There is any inner calm, a quiet strength.

I also dont get wrapped up in what someone else is doing or not doing. If they are happy then I am happy. If youre not happy then change it, at least start with something, anything. But I wont “push” anything on you. I will offer words, advise, suggestions and you can do with them what you wish. If you want to do nothing thats fine, I wish you all the best, no matter what.

I’m still smoke free. It’s been a little over 6 months. I wish I could say I feel great! Unfortunately, I’ve had other health issues pop up. Seems I most likely have an under active thyroid. It was probably masked by the nicotine, very common in women. I had the pleasure of “meeting” someone on twitter that had the same exact thing happen to her! So we shall see what happens in the next few weeks. Right now I am trying to be as strict as I possibly can with the foods I eat. Im also taking supplements. I still need to start working out not just running with the dog but go to gym.

I’m finishing up a script and I have another one I am dying to get started, the idea came to me about a week ago. It came to me very very clear. I know exactly what I want to do with it, I see it. It reminds me of when I envisioned “Until Next Time” so I am pretty excited about it. I am not going to make a crazy deadline BUT I would love to be able to shoot it next summer and the most fabulous thing… it is only ONE location!

I recently learned how to work at my Mama’s little general store. It was so fun! It’s fun when you go to a small town after living in the city 24/7. I spent a couple days at the store so my Mom could get some other things done and she didnt have to pay me:) well she did buy dinner.

Ok so is it strange or is it just my ultra sensitive side BUT have there been a lot of deaths lately or what??? I swear it just makes me appreciate so much! I have gone through a lot in the past 6 months battling these lil health issues and such and I just keep putting on a smile each day even if I dont feel like it because I just feel so blessed to be alive and have Ray and my family and friends.

Oh goodness I just got very sleepy….

 

You Think You Know What You Want?

I usually blog because something “pushes” me. It wont leave me alone until I write about it. It’s very strange. It will pop up in my head, then I will usually have small “signs” pokin’ at me until I give in and write. This entry is one of those times.

The last few days I have been talking to a few different friends about their relationships, dating life, what they want and dont want etc. Something kept popping in my head as I would sit and listen or when I was alone with my thoughts after the conversations…I really really knew exactly what I wanted in a relationship, or so I thought. I thought I needed X..Y..Z. Turns out, I had no idea what I really needed, what would really make me happy, what I would really cherish and love to death. I didnt know until I had it.

I had all this experience, bad and good. I had lists, I had books, I had dreams, I had movies and television, I had spirituality, I had magazines…all contributing to what I thought I needed and wanted in a man, in a relationship. None of these things can come close to what I have now much less compare. The man and relationship I have surpass all those things. Why didnt anyone ever tell me this would happen. That the “one” would just walk into your life one day and that would be it. You wouldnt run to your vision board to look at your list, you wouldnt open a book to see if this was right, you wouldnt compare him to anyone or anything, you wouldnt do any of those things. You would finally just “be.”

I always knew I would have something great with a man, the right man. I truly always believed that. I just thought I had to put all this work into making it happen. When really, I didnt have to do a thing. He found me. I had faith but only to a point. I had faith that IF iI did all this work then he would find me, lol.

Today I was on twitter and someone had “tweeted” this..”I wish we all had a chip inside us to lead us to the person we are supposed to be with” OMG when I read that, I knew, ok another little whisper, I need to write about this. So here I am writing about the fact we all want to be with someone. We all want to share a life with that special person. That person that just “gets it/us.”  If you are a woman, just relax and have faith, I promise it WILL happen and you dont have to do a damn thing. Just be yourself, enjoy life, be happy and he will find you.

Men well since you guys are chaser um I guess just keep chasin’, for the right reasons, and you will find her:)

I would love to hear your love stories. Please share!

 

Must Have Integrity

I heard this somewhere and it just makes so much sense. Simple but powerful.

“Your relationship must have integrity, without integrity you have nothing and the relationship will not grow, much less last.”

If you are in a “relationship” that has to be hidden for ANY reason please move on! If you are in a relationship where you cant talk or hang out with family and friends freely, move on. If you cant answer your phone when your man is in the room because he gets “attitude” when you talk with friends/family, move on. If you are constantly walking on eggshells around your man, move on.

Im not talking about healthy relationships where sometimes you dont answer your cell because you are having special time with your man. That is just normal. Sometimes I dont answer my phone even when Im hanging with friends, just depends. However, no one dictates if I answer my phone or not or if I go out and hang with friends.

My relationship with my man comes first, period, but I dont ignore my friends and family because Im in a relationship. You may see me less but Im still here and free to talk and hang out. My man would never get in the middle of my other relationships.

My relationship has integrity and it is a damn good feeling. This is the first for me well at least the first in a very long time.

To all you ladies that cant talk on the phone or hang out you really need to think about how you want to live the rest of your life AND to all the loser guys that enjoy making your girl feel bad for having friends why dont you get some self esteem and create a life for yourself and allow your girl to have one too.

Wow I sound a bit harsh here huh? Just passionate about this subject:)

 

A Very Smart Man

Last night my boyfriend was running late, as usual. I dont nag much about being late because I think for the most part most people really do try to be on time but sometimes crap just happens. Well my boyfriend is late all of the time. He is always working and on the go. He is very busy. I give him a lot of slack because he is loving and hardworking. He does everything to make my life as easy as possible. Last night i called him (he was running at least 30 min late) he answers the phone ” Hiiii Babiieeee” seriously how can I get mad? LOL. He continues in his very sweet voice “Im almost there do you need anything from the store?” I say “No Im OK I’ll see you when you get here” he continues with the sweet voice “OK baby love you see you in a few”

This is a very smart man. Seriously, how can I get mad. Now he knows when he saw my number come up on his cell that I was prolly irritated so he made the decision to diffuse the situation by using the sweet voice coupled with loving words/offers (going to the store for me). Some may call this manipulation, well, yes it is, but it is for the greater good. It is for the greater good of the relationship.

My man wants to have a happy loving relationship, as do I. Now yes he could just be on time, but you know what, he just runs late, that’s him and that will prolly be him forever. BUT he knows how to makeup for it. He also knows when we HAVE to be somewhere at a certain time no ifs ands or buts. Everyone has their flaws and we just need to know what we can accept and what we cant. I can accept him being late. He gives so much love to me and he truly tries to be on time.

I guess what I am really saying here is he knows his own flaws and he tries. When he falls short he knows how to “make it up” to me. He doesn’t have to make it up to me but he wants to. He wants me to be happy, he wants to be happy and have a happy life with me. He doesn’t let his “macho ego” get in the way of anything when it comes to us. That’s a real man.

 

Break Up or Make Up?

I had a friend ask me for advice on how to deal with a boyfriend who constantly breaks up with her when they fight. This “friend” is someone I know only through a social media site so obviously I could only say so much without knowing the entire situation. So only knowing very little I told her number 1, no one should be breaking up with anyone during a fight. Couples should be “allowed” to fight freely, never worrying about hearing those awful words “Its over” “I want a divorce” “I am breaking up with you.”

I asked her why he broke up? She basically told me she has been going through some rough times financially etc. so she is having to close her business. Surely you can imagine her state of mind. Being a woman I instantly know she is feeling insecure, out of control and overwhelmed. This is a time where you need your “man” to step up and just have your back. You need him to let you know everything is going to be ok. NOT breakup with you in a heated argument!

He told her “she has changed” well hell yeah she has changed she is going through an awful time. She said he used to be the man that had her back, made her feel secure w/in the relationship, he was a true man. Then she started to become insecure after he began to breakup with her during arguments. Then her financial and business situation started to crumble leading into more insecurities. You see where I’m going with this? He was great when everything was “ok”. As soon as things became difficult, as soon as problems occurred he started to run.

This is a huge red flag. He cant hang in there when things are tough. Relationships are not going to be easy breezy all of the time. Getting through those tough times together as a couple is what makes you stronger as a team! You are supposed to be partners.

I wonder if this is where the “long term relationship” really is the underdog to the “Marriage”?? I mean isnt it much easier to just break up than get a divorce? I think she has been with him for like 3 years. Seems to me he is not the one. He wants the fun easy relationship. He doesnt want a partner in life. He doesnt want to go through everything with her, good and bad.

Im not sure how she feels about Marriage but I wonder if at 3 years he hasnt asked you to marry does that tell you right there he isnt wanting to be with you long term? Should we expect a man to go through everything with us if he isnt our husband?

You figure it takes a good year to get to know someone. So lets say a man proposes after 1 year then you get married a year later or so. Now you are married, your a team and it all happened just before the 3 year mark. This is a serious man. A man that knows he wants to be with you forever, that is his INTENTION. Now a man that just remains your boyfriend for 3 years, he isnt ready to be your life partner so should we be surprised when he breaks up with you in tough times?

By a man not proposing and making you his wife does that tell us everything we need to know even before the break up? Its like if everything goes ok we can remain boyfriend girlfriend but as soon as something gets tough Im out of here. But with the man that asks you to marry him he is telling you “Im here with you through everything” hey it may not always end up like that but those are his intentions, otherwise he would’ve just kept you as a girlfriend.

I think anything past 3 years (unless both people dont want to marry) is just a moment away from a breakup.

Remember people, your relationship should be set aside when fighting. The relationship should not be in jeopardy during a fight. We all should be allowed to argue freely. If we feel insecure, we are not going to communicate effectively when arguing. We will be too scared you are going to say “its over.”