The Lovely Reeve Family

This is a post from Dr. Laura’s website. It is wonderful, like many of her posts. Yes, I love Dr. Laura. She gives great moral advice. Even if I dont agree all the time, you cant argue with someone who is just trying to help others “do The right thing.” Yes, she can be harsh at times but jeez we need that sometimes,” it takes a little bit of everything and everyone to make for an interesting world. So here is the lovely post…

Christopher Reeve’s Son’s Poignant Comments

September 3, 2009 on 12:00 am | In Character, Christopher Reeve, Matthew Reeve  Email This Post

I remember the day well:  the day Superman was hit with kryptonite.  I was setting up an appointment to learn how to ride a horse, when the news bulletin came out that Christopher Reeve fell off his horse while jumping, and would either die or be permanently paralyzed from the neck down.

I could hardly breathe hearing this news.  Here was a gorgeous, tall, strong man – Superman, no less – who had ridden horses forever, and a freak accident took his body away.  Two years after he died, his adoring, supportive wonderful wife died of lung cancer, and she never smoked a cigarette in her life.

I cancelled my horse-riding lesson and upped the schedule for walking my dog.

What was impressive about all of this?

1. Reeve’s friends were always there for him (in private and public).  This included helping raise funds for spinal cord injury research, as well as getting him acting and directing work to help him pay for his own maintenance and living expenses. 
2. Reeve himself never stopped working and bringing the spinal cord injury issue to the public.  Here was a once strapping man who didn’t flinch to show his withered side in public, because he had a “cause.”
3. His lovely wife stood by him (something I brought up many times to women who called my radio program complaining about this or that about their husbands).

And my heart went out to his kids.  One of them, Matthew Reeve, is now 20, a Brown University graduate who has organized various events and appearances for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation, which supports programs and research for spinal cord injury.  This fall, honoring the five year anniversary of his father’s death, Matthew is running the New York City Marathon in hopes of raising more money for spinal cord injury research.  The New York Times interviewed him, and one of his comments is particular important for you to read:

 ”I’m constantly grateful and appreciative of being able to do the simplest,  most basic functions, and the fact that I have good health and can move  normally.  That’s something I’ve been more aware of and grateful for since  the age of 15 than most people.  There is a sense of, well, I can and I  should.”

I was so taken by his comment:  “I can and I should.”  When you can, you owe something back.  So for all of you out there, think about what it is you can, and therefore should do.  Think hard…and then do it.

End Of Dr. Laura Post…

 

A little observation I found interesting. I looked up Lung Cancer in my Louise Hay book “You Can Heal Your Life” and it said this…Depression, Grief. Fear of taking life in. Not feeling worthy of living life fully. JEEZ right?! makes sense, I mean I dont know Dana but I would think she felt these things and obviously much more, while Christopher was alive and even after he was gone. Gosh what a beautiful woman of strength and love.

 

Another one…

The other day I blogged about what happens to me when I usually decide to write a blog; better yet, the reason why I decide to write…well it happened again today.

Unfortunately, in the last few days I have had to write a couple of emails that I generally would not ever write. I wont get into details because they are personal and do not want to share such things.

Today, again on twitter I saw a quote that represented almost to a T what I went through in the last few days with a few people.

“Unjust criticism is just a disguised compliment. It means that you have aroused jealous and envy. Because no one would kick you when your down.”

I found this so fitting for this week especially after one email in particular that i received where someone had the nerve to speak negatively about something/someone in my life. This person had absolutely no idea what they were talking about at all, like zero! This was complete “unjust criticism.” This persons envy is so horrible that it drove them to say some awful things, based on their irrational thoughts and feelings.

We all get irrational at times, please, I can be the queen of that. However, I keep that shit to myself, hello! It in no way runs my life, maybe when I was like 22 or something and it definitely is not going to make me say horrible things to someone, especially someone I consider a friend. I may discuss my irrational thoughts or feelings with a friend, to vent, get it out and thats a huge maybe. Basically, if Im sayin’ something horrible it is going to be based on facts, something someone did or said to me and even then I will most likely work it out in my own way, thoughts , writing, talking with a trusted friend or my sister or mom.

We have all said things in life that we regret later. It is an awful feeling because you can never ever take those words back. You can never erase the way you made someone feel. We have all done it. But where do you draw the line when someone continually does it? There has to be a time where you say enough is enough. Its like staying with an abusive boyfriend. So if you feel like a person is being malicious in hurting you, that’s when it’s time to walk away.

Someone may hurt you that really doesnt want to hurt you. They may be going through a hurt that is so bad it makes them become “ugly” towards others. If this is the case, I think its each individuals choice when they have to walk away from that person. Its like you gotta say what Samantha said to her b/f in “Sex and The City” Movie. “I do love you but I love me more.” There comes a time in all of our lives where we have to be the one that loves our self the most, that treats our self the best, that cherishes oneself and so on and so on.

I try to spread love and kindness. It’s what feels good for me. I dont feel good after being mean to someone, I dont feel good after tellin someone off, I dont feel good ignoring people, I dont feel good being rude to people…..have I done these things, of course. I try to to be kind even when I dont want to, LOL but seriously this week people got to me. What sucks about it is its people that I cared about and thought they cared about me, well of course right, thats when we get angry, its usually b/c we care. Even though 1 person wasnt a long time friend or anything it was someone who I thought differently about, didnt know they would go where they went. that always sucks.

FYI…dont ever talk shit about my man or my Family. straight up, no questions asked, period. you will be done. no mas. oh and my girlfriends, yeah I once broke up with a guy for talking shit about my friend. That gives you an idea how I am. I wouldnt break up with the one I have today, LOL but uh you get my drift. If you have a complaint about friends, I will listen, Im flexible, if its constructive. If you wanna complain about my man or my family, there is no room for that dont even try it. The ones close to me never would, they no how much I love Ray and my fam. they also know he is a keeper and so is my family:) I dont have a lot of people in my life outside of family, I literally can count on 2 hands who my friends are. Thats it. Im ok with that. If I add to that its a beautiful thing b/c at this point in my life anyone getting added is going to be a great person. I dont hang with with anything but great ha:) I go by people’s hearts, their intentions, thats how you can tell a great person. They may have faults, issues, even be a lil nutty but if their hearts intentions are all good that is all that matters, seriously.

Im not looking for anything in my friendships other than trust, giggles, dinner, girl time here and there, phone time here and there etc. there is no pressure, no crazy high expectations, just be kind, seriously, thats it. You dont have to come clean my house or watch my dog when im away, you dont have to bring me anything when Im sick, nothing, seriously. Just be kind, respect my life and what I do and be willing to talk on the phone about stupid shit and also have some good spiritual deep talks as well, you know I love that. Even if you arent into the deep stuff, Im ok, I have people in my life that are.

Ok now I must go to sleep…hmmmm will be intersting to see if my headache goes away after purging all these thoughts….

 

You Think You Know What You Want?

I usually blog because something “pushes” me. It wont leave me alone until I write about it. It’s very strange. It will pop up in my head, then I will usually have small “signs” pokin’ at me until I give in and write. This entry is one of those times.

The last few days I have been talking to a few different friends about their relationships, dating life, what they want and dont want etc. Something kept popping in my head as I would sit and listen or when I was alone with my thoughts after the conversations…I really really knew exactly what I wanted in a relationship, or so I thought. I thought I needed X..Y..Z. Turns out, I had no idea what I really needed, what would really make me happy, what I would really cherish and love to death. I didnt know until I had it.

I had all this experience, bad and good. I had lists, I had books, I had dreams, I had movies and television, I had spirituality, I had magazines…all contributing to what I thought I needed and wanted in a man, in a relationship. None of these things can come close to what I have now much less compare. The man and relationship I have surpass all those things. Why didnt anyone ever tell me this would happen. That the “one” would just walk into your life one day and that would be it. You wouldnt run to your vision board to look at your list, you wouldnt open a book to see if this was right, you wouldnt compare him to anyone or anything, you wouldnt do any of those things. You would finally just “be.”

I always knew I would have something great with a man, the right man. I truly always believed that. I just thought I had to put all this work into making it happen. When really, I didnt have to do a thing. He found me. I had faith but only to a point. I had faith that IF iI did all this work then he would find me, lol.

Today I was on twitter and someone had “tweeted” this..”I wish we all had a chip inside us to lead us to the person we are supposed to be with” OMG when I read that, I knew, ok another little whisper, I need to write about this. So here I am writing about the fact we all want to be with someone. We all want to share a life with that special person. That person that just “gets it/us.”  If you are a woman, just relax and have faith, I promise it WILL happen and you dont have to do a damn thing. Just be yourself, enjoy life, be happy and he will find you.

Men well since you guys are chaser um I guess just keep chasin’, for the right reasons, and you will find her:)

I would love to hear your love stories. Please share!

 

Must Have Integrity

I heard this somewhere and it just makes so much sense. Simple but powerful.

“Your relationship must have integrity, without integrity you have nothing and the relationship will not grow, much less last.”

If you are in a “relationship” that has to be hidden for ANY reason please move on! If you are in a relationship where you cant talk or hang out with family and friends freely, move on. If you cant answer your phone when your man is in the room because he gets “attitude” when you talk with friends/family, move on. If you are constantly walking on eggshells around your man, move on.

Im not talking about healthy relationships where sometimes you dont answer your cell because you are having special time with your man. That is just normal. Sometimes I dont answer my phone even when Im hanging with friends, just depends. However, no one dictates if I answer my phone or not or if I go out and hang with friends.

My relationship with my man comes first, period, but I dont ignore my friends and family because Im in a relationship. You may see me less but Im still here and free to talk and hang out. My man would never get in the middle of my other relationships.

My relationship has integrity and it is a damn good feeling. This is the first for me well at least the first in a very long time.

To all you ladies that cant talk on the phone or hang out you really need to think about how you want to live the rest of your life AND to all the loser guys that enjoy making your girl feel bad for having friends why dont you get some self esteem and create a life for yourself and allow your girl to have one too.

Wow I sound a bit harsh here huh? Just passionate about this subject:)

 

A Very Smart Man

Last night my boyfriend was running late, as usual. I dont nag much about being late because I think for the most part most people really do try to be on time but sometimes crap just happens. Well my boyfriend is late all of the time. He is always working and on the go. He is very busy. I give him a lot of slack because he is loving and hardworking. He does everything to make my life as easy as possible. Last night i called him (he was running at least 30 min late) he answers the phone ” Hiiii Babiieeee” seriously how can I get mad? LOL. He continues in his very sweet voice “Im almost there do you need anything from the store?” I say “No Im OK I’ll see you when you get here” he continues with the sweet voice “OK baby love you see you in a few”

This is a very smart man. Seriously, how can I get mad. Now he knows when he saw my number come up on his cell that I was prolly irritated so he made the decision to diffuse the situation by using the sweet voice coupled with loving words/offers (going to the store for me). Some may call this manipulation, well, yes it is, but it is for the greater good. It is for the greater good of the relationship.

My man wants to have a happy loving relationship, as do I. Now yes he could just be on time, but you know what, he just runs late, that’s him and that will prolly be him forever. BUT he knows how to makeup for it. He also knows when we HAVE to be somewhere at a certain time no ifs ands or buts. Everyone has their flaws and we just need to know what we can accept and what we cant. I can accept him being late. He gives so much love to me and he truly tries to be on time.

I guess what I am really saying here is he knows his own flaws and he tries. When he falls short he knows how to “make it up” to me. He doesn’t have to make it up to me but he wants to. He wants me to be happy, he wants to be happy and have a happy life with me. He doesn’t let his “macho ego” get in the way of anything when it comes to us. That’s a real man.

 

Break Up or Make Up?

I had a friend ask me for advice on how to deal with a boyfriend who constantly breaks up with her when they fight. This “friend” is someone I know only through a social media site so obviously I could only say so much without knowing the entire situation. So only knowing very little I told her number 1, no one should be breaking up with anyone during a fight. Couples should be “allowed” to fight freely, never worrying about hearing those awful words “Its over” “I want a divorce” “I am breaking up with you.”

I asked her why he broke up? She basically told me she has been going through some rough times financially etc. so she is having to close her business. Surely you can imagine her state of mind. Being a woman I instantly know she is feeling insecure, out of control and overwhelmed. This is a time where you need your “man” to step up and just have your back. You need him to let you know everything is going to be ok. NOT breakup with you in a heated argument!

He told her “she has changed” well hell yeah she has changed she is going through an awful time. She said he used to be the man that had her back, made her feel secure w/in the relationship, he was a true man. Then she started to become insecure after he began to breakup with her during arguments. Then her financial and business situation started to crumble leading into more insecurities. You see where I’m going with this? He was great when everything was “ok”. As soon as things became difficult, as soon as problems occurred he started to run.

This is a huge red flag. He cant hang in there when things are tough. Relationships are not going to be easy breezy all of the time. Getting through those tough times together as a couple is what makes you stronger as a team! You are supposed to be partners.

I wonder if this is where the “long term relationship” really is the underdog to the “Marriage”?? I mean isnt it much easier to just break up than get a divorce? I think she has been with him for like 3 years. Seems to me he is not the one. He wants the fun easy relationship. He doesnt want a partner in life. He doesnt want to go through everything with her, good and bad.

Im not sure how she feels about Marriage but I wonder if at 3 years he hasnt asked you to marry does that tell you right there he isnt wanting to be with you long term? Should we expect a man to go through everything with us if he isnt our husband?

You figure it takes a good year to get to know someone. So lets say a man proposes after 1 year then you get married a year later or so. Now you are married, your a team and it all happened just before the 3 year mark. This is a serious man. A man that knows he wants to be with you forever, that is his INTENTION. Now a man that just remains your boyfriend for 3 years, he isnt ready to be your life partner so should we be surprised when he breaks up with you in tough times?

By a man not proposing and making you his wife does that tell us everything we need to know even before the break up? Its like if everything goes ok we can remain boyfriend girlfriend but as soon as something gets tough Im out of here. But with the man that asks you to marry him he is telling you “Im here with you through everything” hey it may not always end up like that but those are his intentions, otherwise he would’ve just kept you as a girlfriend.

I think anything past 3 years (unless both people dont want to marry) is just a moment away from a breakup.

Remember people, your relationship should be set aside when fighting. The relationship should not be in jeopardy during a fight. We all should be allowed to argue freely. If we feel insecure, we are not going to communicate effectively when arguing. We will be too scared you are going to say “its over.”

 

It’s All About You.

I was sitting here doing my usual morning routine of checking email, twittering and drinking my yummy coffee as my mind began to wander (as it often does). I began to wonder why some people are selfish and others aren’t. Obviously we can come up with reasons like nature vs. nurture etc. But my bigger question I guess is why haven’t these selfish people learned how great it feels to give of yourself. What lesson “missed” them?

Being an unselfish person doesn’t seem to be that hard and it brings peace so why not choose it. Let me clarify, I am not talking about giving gifts and such. I am talking about simple things like not rushing someone off the phone, being a good listener, allowing someone to easily merge into traffic, giving someone a smile or a hug, putting in an extra $5 on the dinner bill just because, donating clothes to a charity or doing something that you’re maybe not totally comfortable with or don’t “feel” like doing but you do it to bring happiness to someone else. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I am doing all of these things all of the time but I do find peace in being a giving or unselfish person. I trip out on people that don’t find the peace in doing these things. The people that say things like “whats in it for me?” “I don’t feel like doing it so I’m not” or “I don’t have time for this” etc. Please don’t get it confused with not honoring yourself because I am a firm believer in saying NO. You should never do things out of guilt or b/c you feel bad or someone is trying to make you feel bad. I am not insinuating that we all be Saints. I am just trying to understand the payoff that people get by always only doing things their way. Oh and then I love that these same people want to tell you how you SHOULD be doing something, LOL. Yes, pay attention, its always the “selfish” people that want to thrust their ways upon you.

A friend giving you advice or bringing something to your attention because they care is great. I am talking about that person that almost angrily tells you how you should be living your life. Its usually someone who has no life of their own in addition to being selfish. So I guess I am trying to play psychotherapist here. I am trying to understand the “why”. I would love to hear your thoughts! I dont feel that these selfish people are “bad people” I just want to know why they are like this, whats the pay off? I believe if they learned how to become less selfish they would have more peace. See, its a win win situation. Being a little selfish at different times in your life is a good thing. I am just saying living your life like this at all times is very damaging to the spirit, your own and others.

Here is a quote I love!!
Generosity is giving more than you can, and Pride is taking less than you need ~ I forget who said this

 

Right Now I Love…

Right now….. I love Ray. I love my life. I love my Mama. I love artichokes. I love the way my doggie cuddles with me. I love the idea of my moms friends duck thinking he is a dog. I love my niece and nephew, Shaylyn and Roman. I love my sister. I love my friends. I love going to Pat Allen each week. I love the new television Ray put in the bedroom. I love that I quit smoking 2 months ago. I love the weather. I love that my car is reliable. I love that my rent is so cheap that I can also pay a mortgage. I love that I look like my mom. I love that my mom has taught me how to be a kind person. I love that I dont eat cows, chickens or pigs. I love that I eat organic. I love that my skin has gotten better since i quit smoking. I love that I live close to the beach even if its not walking distance. I love that I am with a REAL MAN. I love that today right now I am a woman that I feel proud to be. I love that I am going back to school. I love that I am sensitive and emotional. I love my instincts. I love that I get it. I love Ahi Tuna. I love that I see good in almost everyone I meet. I love that I can naturally bring good out of people without even trying. I love God. I love reading. I love Kris Allen from American Idol. I love Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar. I love watching Oprah. I love Ellen. I love Sade. I love every minute of every day right now….I hope I still feel like this tomorrow, next week and next year….I love that I am with the male version of me but even better, he inspires me everyday to be the best me:) I love him!

 

Why Are You Single?

I have a few single friends that are great women, attractive, smart, funny, spiritual and probably currently logging into their Match.com profiles to see what awaits them in the way of men…I have become familiar with the type of men that are on these sites. I get calls from my girlfriends periodically keeping me in the know with whats going on in the dating world.

Most recently my first friend was kind enough to forward me a few profiles that were potential dates. WOW, very disappointing. My friend is around 50 and she is very attractive and looks much younger than most women her age. She is also very active, hip, current just super great! These men were scary, missing teeth, big huge pot bellies, I mean this was very depressing for her. The good looking men that were around her age want much younger women. I wonder do they really want a younger woman or do they just think all 50ish women look like Grandma? Um hello turn on the television open a magazine todays 50 is like yesterdays 30! 50 year old women are hot! Women are taking care of themselves in every aspect these days. Plus, what makes these 50 year old men believe that a woman of 30 or 35 even wants them? I mean maybe if your super hot and are loaded.

Now we move on to friend #2. She is around 40, very attractive, stylish, smart, spiritual, funny and loves going out. She sent me a few profiles of men to check out (men she was going out with). The lists these men have, jeez! SERIOUSLY! Whatever happened to just dating having fun and if it goes somewhere great and if not move on. Now Im not saying be a serial dater but seriously you are going to turn down a girl because she is 5′9″ instead of 5′4″ or she doesnt like to ride a bike or she doesnt like to swim, oh or i dont want a woman who works at home, I want a woman who is passionate about her career. I am being totally serious here, these are things on some of these lists! Just get a blowup doll and call it a day jeez! Men dont want a partner they want a woman who doesnt need them for anything. You just want someone to “hang out” with and have sex so like i said just get a blow up doll.

Also, a man that says he doesn’t want to “take care of a woman” OR you want the woman to pay her way. Are you kidding me? You are the man. You are to pay. That is what a man does. A man who starts off by saying things like that is a cheap selfish you know what! That would be like a woman saying things like “yeah i dont want to look sexy and pretty for you all the time, I dont want to have sex ” etc etc etc….Men know when a woman just wants a man to pay her way. So you dismiss those girls quickly. A “normal” man will date a woman, he will court her, he will take her out. Yes, maybe you cant afford to go out all of the time but a nice dinner here and there or a fun time bowling or go to the beach and have a picnic IDK figure it out. But please dont start talking money on your first date much less on your dating profile!! BTW we also dont want to hear about how rich you are either. Just be the man and court us but talking about money either way is a turn off unless the girl is diggin for gold:)

So, this is why there are so many great single women. Men have lost their way as a man. they either want someone who is too young for them or someone who they dont have to court! Smart women are not settling for this. I believe we are going to start seeing a shift. Men are going to start being men again and women are going to be patient and allow this to happen:)

 

God Knows My Heart

I am so happy that I KNOW God knows my heart. He understands me, knows why I do things and reasons behind my every move, word, thought, emotion and feeling. I never have to answer to anyone on a spiritual level except him. I never have to explain my relationship with God. I will never have to make you understand anything about my relationship with God.  My relationship with God is so personal, so special and its to be cherished, noone can come between us, ever.

I am so happy that I understand what it truly means to be a Christian. So many people think because they go to church every Sunday they are doing all they need to do. They never get out of their comfort zone to do something that is so outside of themselves it makes them scared and shaky. Have you ever gone against the grain in the name of God? Or do you just go to church every Sunday and keep your mouth shut the rest of the week?

Well, I dont go to church every Sunday but I am definitely stepping out my front door each day trying to be a giving person, a more kind person to strangers and my loved ones. I am kind to people that sometimes make it very difficult for me. I remember I used to have a friend that loved to gossip on the phone and eventually the friendship became very toxic, to the point where i started to be such a gossip and would make “digs” at her because she would hurt my feelings by giving those types of  same digs. I would feel so awful when I would get off the phone I would sometimes call her back just to say something really nice to her or something because I hated that ugly feeling.  So what I am saying here is I am not perfect, I have been a gossip and I have been mean to a friend BUT I was NOT ok with that. I have a conscience. So people that walk around and call themselves Christians and pass all this judgement onto others as they are being unkind, selfish, self serving, ruining families, rude on a daily basis year after year make me want to scream, really. Everyone can be ONE of those things at one time or another but to be those things at all times for all of your life, wow.

I have been selfish self serving rude etc. at one time or another but it never felt right. It never sat well with me even when I thought I was in the right or I was reacting to someone else, it just didnt matter it just doesnt feel good to be any of  those things no matter what.

To have feelings of joy, happiness, kindness, unselfishness and act on those feelings is what feels good. Its what makes you a Christian, a man or woman of God. A person that tries their best to do what Jesus would do, that’s being a Christian. you don’t have to be perfect you just try to be those wonderful positive things ESPECIALLY when it may be easier to be the opposite. That’s a true test.

I am happy God knows my heart. It literally makes me smile. I am sooooo not worried about the day I meet him:) I want it to be like 100 years from now but I’m not worried:)